The Babbling Bleating Old Man

There is a tree. Not an ancient one but just a few decades old. The tree has no name but has its fame.

Every story has its beginning and every tree has one too. The tree couldn’t remember when it was rooted there, or why. Although the tree is just a few decades old, it does not look like one. The tree does not grow by calendar cycles or water. It grows by meeting spirits and people, old and news ones alike. The spot where the tree is rooted is in middle-path that connects different worlds.

The tree’s location is the tree’s uprise and demise at the same time. Meeting different spirits and people taught the tree from various perspectives. Nasty ones taught the tree nasty things. Cruel ones taught the tree cruel things. Noble ones taught the tree noble things. Kind ones taught the tree kind things. Knowing both sides of mirror altered the tree’s growth significantly.

People talk about the tree. Spirits talk about it too. They seek the tree to grant them wishes. They thought the tree is a magical artifact, in fact it is not. The wishes it grants, are from the things that the people and spirit gave him before. In fact, as more people and spirits seek the tree, the tree grows taller and stronger. The tree grew too much to a point when it realizes, there’s so much it has left behind.

To the tree, any passerby is a blessing as it is rooted to the spot, unable to move anywhere else. Being able to grant the people and spirits wishes, is not just a responsibility to the tree. To the tree, it takes them as a priviledge. A priviledge to be able to share its stories. A priviledge to give hope. A priviledge to be a friend.

The tree is growing old. It has been wondering lately, how will its life be if it can no longer grant any wishes. It is wondering, are the people and spirits talking to it because it makes them feel there is hope around. It is wondering, are the people and spirits talking to it because it makes them feel the impossible is nothing. It is wondering, is there anything it can offer when it can no longer grant wishes.

What if the tree cannot grant anymore wishes? Will the people and spirits still talk to the tree? What if the tree is not able to speak anymore?

I got this story from a friend. To me, in the end, I think I the tree will just be any ordinary tree. It will provide the shade when needed. It will provide the wood when required. When it is old, it will be fallen and that is the end of it. Never be taken genuinely.

Myanmar. China. I say a lil prayer for you.

So, you chose to play again? Sighs. I know you will come.

You just know how to pick the right time, don’t you?
So cold. Hehe.
It’s drizzling outside - probably in my heart too.

Listen.
Do you?
Hear the rhythm.
Of the falling rain…

Stop raining.
Please?

For a few days in a row, The Star has been reporting (here and here) on how bad the Singaporeans are in sex. Perhaps, they should dissipate more awareness on the sexual assaults such as rape and worse incest in Malaysia herself. Frankly, I’m more keen on what needs to be done to prevent another Nurin case from occurring again.

First class mentality… will always be a dream.

Ignorant, bloody ignorant.

The kampung lost its only "pondok telefon". Some fellas stole it. The peeps weren’t happy. Well, some were not bothered.

The few who cared, couldn’t do anything. Well, not till the chieftain, Mr. Babu, received a parcel in his mailbox from Mr. Papu. Guess what’s inside? Evidence. A picture, of Ah Seng loosing the screws of the pondok. However, his accomplices and the crime boss were not in a visible view.

Outcry. Havoc.

Some of the unhappy ones wanted heads to roll. They wanted the pondok back with the culprits sent to the jail. Mr. Babu was a busy man. Hence, he assigned three dudes, Kaka, Kiki and Koko to investigate.

Three weeks passed but there were no results because the person who photographed the picture did not submit himself. The discipline-keeper of the village, Mr. Strongman was summoned to assist. He took statements from Mr. Papu and Ah Seng. But he was not happy, he wanted the rest of the photos which would expose everyone.

So what they did? Ah Seng was left aside. They would send Mr. Papu to jail if he was not willing to expose the person who sent him the photos.

Common sense? Just prosecute Ah Seng. Investigate his background and activities. Wouldn’t that be the easiest way to solve the problem? =..="

I wonder where is Ah Seng now. Probably enjoying samsu in a village which will never be found.

In the end, CASED CLOSED. Takda evidence. Everyone lives happily ever after.

What third-world mentality. What shame.

O Lord, I pray it will be alright. Give us back the pondok telefon.

So tired that I couldn’t sleep
So many secrets I couldn’t keep

I promise myself I wouldn’t weep
For my country, one more promise I couldn’t keep

A silent prayer for Cho Seung-Hui and the victims.

Perfect action wisdom. Does not happen, anymore.

Nocturne.

Now let the day.
Just slip away.
So the dark night.
May watch over you.
Nocturne.

Though darkness lay.
It will give way.
When the dark night.
Delivers the day.

These will be my final lines and I will not raise this issue here anymore.

I’m truly sorry for firstly, the misinformation of the ski trip, and secondly, the usage of mailing lists without permission. I want to have a few words on my abuse of the mailing list.

I will not deny the fact that I had abused the system - you can count that as entirely my fault. I have to admit that I was in despair to reach out to everyone but I did not have the means to do so. That was the reason why I sourced for means - then I encountered the webmail which I realize is the answer that I was looking for. I know it was unwise to use the contacts of an entity without informing but from the bottom of my heart - it slipped from my head and I never thought of the consequences. My vague assumption that all recipients were Malaysians had no valid grounds at all - and that’s why I admit that fact that I am faulty. Sincerely, it was unintentional.

But again, I didn’t know that I am not suppose to ultilize the list of addresses - furthermore, I am not speaking in behalf of any entity and it was merely my personal opinion. As I mentioned at the beginning of my article "..take it as a read-through, if you like." If the e-mail addresses are to be protected, it should had been forwarded on a BCC basis at the first place. It could be anyone else next in line who sells the addresses to spammers. However, I do admit it was my fault for unintentionally forwarding my entry to parties beyond the parameter, I will not push the blame to anyone. It’s my fault. Sorry.
In fact, I’m terribly sorry.

I am not directing my article to tell out who is the good or who is the bad or who is the ugly. In fact, I don’t bother. My dream is to see bridges unite that’s all. Nothing else matters to me. I just want to reach out to people, that’s all.

Maybe I am still dreaming. I miss my schooling days. We cared for one another, not just by saying routine "Hi(s)" or "Bye(s)". Anything that we organized - extra classes, co-curricular activities, official functions - we never forget to leave ample breaks in between to allow the Moslems to perform their prayers in the most comfortable time space possible, not a rushy one. We will never slot our activities on Friday afternoons as we know our Moslem friends have to perform an important prayer. When we were 15, we (Malays, Chinese, Indians) went to shop for Jeepas (An traditional Indian costume) and wore it for 3 Deepavalis (meaning 3 years) in a row. I’m still keeping that in my closet and we promised to wear it again during Deepavalis, if we do meet again.  During chinese new year, I had open houses for my friends. Due to the fact that my mom cooks pork in kitchen, I know I have to cater the Moslems in other means. Instead of non-halal chinese cuisines, I serve my Moslem friends with KFC and Pizza. You can never leave out cookies from your guests - especially during CNY. That was the reason I got my Moslem friends CNY cookies from Halal-certified bakeries even at a higher cost.

Maybe, that’s the main reason that keeps me believing and gave me the courage to post my entry. Now I guess you know the reason of me stating that there is no racism among us Malaysians, only the lack of chemistry - the poor process of understanding.

Sincerely speaking, I don’t want to gain anything out of this. I did this out of guilt. At 17, when I represented Malaysia to the United Nations, my friends from India, Pakistan, US, England, Australia, Israel, UAE asked me. 

"How will you define your country’s demography?"

I told them what happened among my schooling friends and I. Many were left in awe. Aditee, from India envied us for the fact that the caste is still widely practisely in many parts of India. Ava, from Pakistan envied us for the fact that in Pakistan, tribes had broken them apart. I don’t remember the name of this guy from Israel, but he envied us for the fact that we are allowed to celebrate (not worship) events gracefully without being a stigma.

If I’m to keep quiet, I will be lying to my friends, and myself. I have nothing to prove nor to gain. I just hope to see what I believe to come true. At least I’m trying. And I know it is possible because I experienced it.

Again. I’m sorry for the discomfort that I had caused. And I’m really sorry if I’m had interfered with parties who are indeed working hard to make things better. I’m truly sorry. Hurting people, is the worst feeling, that can ever lie inside me.

Alexander did not win the wars by himself. His army and Alexander did. We are the army and Alexander himself.

This is my final line on this issue.

My apology for the below inaccuracies:-

• CMSA and UMNO Christchurch are in fact collaborating to organize a ski trip - not separately.
• CMSA is making an improvement this year - not just resting their laurels.

And my apology for the usage of CMSA’s and PETSOC’s mailing list without permission. An unwise move. I agree. My apologies again.

This has playing in my head for weeks. I know certain personal thoughts are meant to be kept inside, or vetted out in a legitimate manner, at least. I may be playing with fire or creating new enemies as I continue to type this article, furthermore I’m about to post this on my public blog, something that I have never done before. Everything that I am about to type is from a neutral point of view. I do really hope I’m not about to offend anyone - if I do, I sincerely apologize. And of course, I do not expect any outcome from this article itself. Treat this as a read-through, if you like.

There are now three major clubs that represents Malaysian students in Christchurch. CMSA (Canterbury Malaysian Student Association), PETSOC (PETRONAS Students of Canterbury) and the newly formed UMNO Christchurch.

1. A Revision of Timeline

Rewind 5 years ago. There was only CMSA - meaning there was only one club that represented Malaysian students all around Christchurch. 5 years ago, PETRONAS and JPA started posting scholars over here in Christchurch thus increasing the density of Malaysian students. As more PETRONAS scholars arrived in the Garden City, PETSOC was formed. PETSOC was and is still devised to oversee the welfare of the PETRONAS scholars. The welfare mentioned includes accommodation, daily dinners, meeting with officers, etc. However, PETSOC was a subsidiary of CMSA. Meaning, it was still only CMSA.

2. A day before yesterday

More scholars arrived. PETSOC became an own entity, formed 4 years ago in 2003. Two clubs then. CMSA and PETSOC. PETSOC role was only to oversee her members’ welfare.

3. Our timeline

CMSA is still where it was. PETSOC has opened her membership to non-PETRONAS scholars. UMNO Christchurch was formed.

4. 5 years from now

I’ll wrap this up later.

Being a year in Christchurch does not grant me much seniority. I think I should speak now, with myself risked, because I am afraid when the time comes, I will no longer have the chance to speak. I really do hope that by all means I’m not showing any disrespect to you as I carry on typing.

I cannot possibly disagree that all three clubs play different primary objectives. Now let us look beneath the surface. They will be clashes in social and sports events. For instance, UMNO Christchurch has announced its attention to organized a Ski Trip this year. From what I know, CMSA organizes Ski Trips annually. So this year, we may have two ski-trips organized by two different bodies representing we Malaysian students. Frankly, I wouldn’t want to go for two Ski Trips as I am just a university undergraduate plus I’m not a ski-ing addict.

More clubs, meaning more gatherings. But will those gatherings put all of us Malaysians together? Possibly we have CMSA, as it generally represents all Malaysians. Again, let us look at wider perspective.

If CMSA and PETSOC organizes 8 events each per year, UMNO organizes 4 in Christchurch as many of her activities are held elsewhere. All together, we have 20 events. Based on university calendar, there are about 20-25 free weeks minus the study break and the upcoming Bersatu Games. 20 out of 25. Me, being a member of the three clubs, will really need some consistency to attend all the events. This is a stake of quantity vs quality. Personally, I will prefer to spend my time mingling with ALL Malaysians occasionally (maybe every month once or twice) rather than spending all my weekends to meet different groups.

Quality. I will define what it means to me now.

Flashback to Saturday’s UMNO-chaired Newcomers Orientation. Sorry people if I’m pointing my fingers, or else I am not able to adress my keynotes. The Bumi newcomers are among themselves, similar to the non-Bumis. Put their past schooling background aside, but having 3 clubs that increases quantity will do least good to increase the quality we direly claim. (Sorry people, I really did not want to highlight this, but this is what everyone witnessed that day. An undeniable fact.)

Flashback to the visit by Tok Pa, our Malaysians Higher Education Minister. It’s baffling to me, at least, that there were only two non-bumis who played a part in hosting (organizing, performances) the event and I was only roped in when one of friend had something else to attend. To me, this is not racism at all because I do not believe the good friends I know are such people, in fact they are awesome people who I look up to. The problem ito me is the chemistry which invented the event. Both bridges, just do not meet, although all parties have tremendous quality in them. (Sorry to the people, who I may have offended).

It was a great honour to me for being given the opportunity to produce the video presentation for the event. The toughest process was not the production. The toughest part was the photos. Hardly I can find pictures where I can see all Malaysians in one perfect family picture. Perhaps, it was one of the saddest feeling to me being a Malaysian while producing a video for a grand Malaysian event. When will actually all bridges meet?

This is not racism to me, it’s chemistry. Racism never occurs here among us Malaysians. In fact, the people that I know are all friendly and always helpful. Frankly, I absolutely enjoy their company, ABSOLUTELY. We just never find ourselves an opportunity to be one. When will our bridges meet?

4. 5 years from now (continued)

A Malay scholar and a Chinese scholar just arrived in Christchurch. CMSA, PETSOC, UMNO - which one to be active in? What will we have in the near future? JPASOC? MARASOC? I do not deny the possiblities.

Everyone wants to be comfortable, including myself sometimes. But again, why can’t we let the bridges meet?

Sorry CMSA. This may be a stab to you. I’m sorry if this is offensive. Non-Bumis will most likely join CMSA for most of their members are Non-Bumis. Bumis and Non-Bumis will stay away from CMSA for these very few reasons that I can highlight below.

• The inconsideration of alcoholic consumption of non-muslim members in social activities. Of course, every one has their own rights. But tolerance is an entirely different matter.
• When was the last time CMSA organized a Hari Raya get together for all Malaysians? Or wish the Muslims CMSA members Selamat Hari Raya via the CMSA-mail?
• When was the last time CMSA showed that it is welfare body overlooking the welfare of Muslims? For instance, prayer times etc. Of course, you have MUSA to operate on this - MUSA is a club for all Muslims in Canterbury Uni. But it really takes effort to create the sense of belonging. CMSA should at least oversee the welfare of Malaysian Muslims, regardless of MUSA’s existence.
• It’s a good being a big club having a lot of members. To me, strong ties are formed when people sit down and make unanimous decision. Boasting that many members, how many do really feel belonged to the club?

Sorry CMSA. I do not mean to offend. This is what I believe, at least.

PETSOC just opened her membership and UMNO was newly formed. A Bumi student will certainly feel comfortable and will be more active in both clubs mentioned. The non-Bumis will shy away from these two clubs - again, due to the comfortable zone.

In 5 years, what will we see? Just like in Sydney, Melbourne, UK and Auckland where its Malaysian Students Association are mostly non-Bumis while UMNO and PETRONAS affliated clubs are filled with Bumis. In Auckland itself, there is a clear division among UMSA, PETUNIA and UMNO Auckland.

Of course, it too far-fetched to predict what will happen 5 years from now. Many will say, "I do not bother. I did my best during my time in my respective club, it’s up to the next generation." Frankly, I will say this is sheer irresponsiblity. You do not build Rome to see it burn, nor you build Pyramids to see it collapse before you. You are laying the path for tomorrow. Sorry if I offended you, again.

I’m taking nothing out of this. I just want to see bridges meet, from all angles to prevent what has happened in Australia, UK and Auckland to occur on us. Of course, you will be wondering why we must we start first? If everyone waits for everyone to cross the brigde and meet - never will anyone meet. Just my long two cents.

Sorry to those people who I have offended. I sincerely apologize. No hard feelings yeah?

There is never racism nor stereotype among we Malaysians. We lack the chemistry. The chemistry that bridges us all. When will we meet?

…

Practising the deep perfect wisdom action luminously
And thought that the five human natures are empty

Then She called him over…

"My dear friend… form does not differ from emptiness. Emptiness does not differ from form. Form is emptiness. Emptiness is form."

He who is startled…

"If form does not differ from emptiness, a full cup is an empty cup; vice versa?"

"Like the feeling inside, is a choice."
"All characters are empty. It does not decrease nor increase."

Thus, he was in a the middle of emptiness. Confused.

"There is no form no feeling no thought no choice no consciousness."
"No eye no ear no nose no tongue no body no mind."
"No sight no hearing no smell no taste no touch no consciousness."
"Nothing. Up to the root of the mind."

Therefore He/She dwells with perfect wisdom.
Therefore He/She dwells with no obstacle exhaustion nor clarity exhaustion.
No aging exhaustion.
No suffering, end of suffering path.
No knowledge, no oneself.

"But an empty cup can never be a full cup, nor a full cup can be an empty cup?"

"Feelings. Intention. Consciousness. Perception."
"Full or empty, do you feel it’s adequate?"
"Full or empty, do you intend to make it full or empty?"
"Full or empty, do your conscience wants it?"
"Full of empty, do you perceive it orderly?"

"Then, we are equating enforcers do not differ from crooks, crooks fo not differ from enforcers?"

"Enforcers or crooks, the crooks feels hatred towards the enforcers, vice versa."
"Enforcers or crooks, the intention is never the same, but to take out one another."
"Enforcers or crooks, the consciousness is never the same, but as volatile as another."
"Enforcers or crooks, the perception is never the same, worlds do not meet."

"But enforcers keep order, crooks create disorder. They cannot be the same."

"Feelings. Intention. Consciousness. Perception."
"They are the same."
"Crooks see enforcers as crooks, themselves as enforcers. Enforcers see crooks as enforcers, and of course themselves as enforcers."

There is no form nor emptiness.
It all starts from the heart.
There is never feelings, intention, consciousness, perception towards perfect wisdom action.

Never the wealthy are better than the poor.
Never the mighty are stronger than the weak.
Never the whites are superior to the blacks.
Never the colour red brings better luck than the pale.

It’s all feelings, intention, consciousness and perception.

Wealth do not draw your picture of eternal happiness.
Colour do not segregrate opportunity and rights.
Colour do not segregrate which poor you should cloth and feed.
Religion do not play God by being certain that non-believers are doomed to Hell.
Religion do not play God by telling who is the deserved or who is not.

Perfect wisdom action? It does not happen anymore.